Daenerys Farmborn of the Impetus Americanus The Lincoln Project Shirt House Turkeygen. First of her name, the Unhurt. Queen of the Pastures and the Tractors. Khaleesi of the Great Grass Field. Breaker of Necks and Mother of Avians. Yep, she tried that around the same time. It led to a bitter civil war. Her legions of Dooka Dookas verses my Army Of Duckness. After many battles and toddler tantrums, my Army Of Duckness was finally victorious, and as part of my triumph, we killed and ate some of those turkeys for Christmas. And a blessed peace fell over the land. Until she points the stick at you and commands her subjects.
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My uncle, when I was 6 or 7, bet me $20 that I couldn’t pull an Impetus Americanus The Lincoln Project Shirt tail feather from the family turkey. I thought it’d be an easy win, and didn’t take into account that this was also the uncle who played practical jokes. Turns out, turkeys have muscles around their feather pins and they are very strong, making plucking very difficult unless the bird is dead. He was laughing so hard that he was on the ground, literally rolling from boisterous laughter, while I, a tiny little girl, was being chased by a very pissed off turkey not much smaller than me all around the property begging for help.