When I was a Nice You Wanna Pizza Me Shirt teenager I moved onto my grandparent’s farm. They had a turkey they named Arnold (after Schwarzenegger) because he was a heckin big boi. Bigger than my scrawny 4’10” ass. They bought him in August and let him run around so we could all have the “real country experience” of tasting a wild (more or less) bird for Thanksgiving. I was an animal lover and I wasn’t happy with this – I went vegan in protest. Since we lived up on a mountain, I had to walk about a mile and a half through woods to get to where the school bus would pick me up. AND EVERY TIME I WAS OUT, OF SIGHT OF THE HOUSE, that motherfucker would jump out and attack.
Nice You Wanna Pizza Me Shirt, Tank Top, V-neck, Sweatshirt And Hoodie
I never knew where it Nice You Wanna Pizza Me Shirt was hiding. At one point I swear to god it fuckin climbed a tree and flew at me. It jumped on my head and scratched at me with talons. It pecked at me and broke the skin with its beak. It knocked me over and whipped me with wings. And guess what? NOBODY believed me. When I told my grandparents about the first attack they laughed at me. Said that turkeys were docile creatures and that Arnold was a sweetheart who would come to the house when called. This was in the Long Long Ago time before cellphones so I had no way of documenting my horror.